The no-fly list isn’t just for terrorists any more. Some brands of men’s mesh underwear are designed without a fly, while other brands feature a pouch, as well as the traditional fly front.

Somehow, this no fly contender made it through security with 80 grams of explosives sewn into his underwear, which can make the savviest Jihadist sweat. Regular cotton briefs don’t provide the same ventilation and support as men’s mesh underwear, which allows the skin to breathe through the specially designed Lycra and cotton weave mesh.

The Jihadist’s package fits snugly in the explosive-laden pouch, while staying dry and cool, even when the rest of him looks like he just finished a workout at the Camel Back desert gym, with waterboarding room and rack for stretching out kinks in the neck from walking hunched over in caves. Luckily, the flexible fabric in his men’s mesh underwear is perfect for those torturous workouts.

When the going gets tough in the seconds before he sets his underwear ablaze, the tough-minded Jihadist is ready to sacrifice his life, yet still reluctant to say goodbye to his men’s mesh underwear. Once the Jihadist arrives in hell on the Styxline Ferry, he will be greatly disappointed not to see 72 virgins hanging around the Barbie down under, where the only thing glowing is the hot coals under his feet.

Satan just shakes his head incredulously and says, “What a terrible waste of men’s mesh underwear,” and then condemns the Jihadist to an eternity of sitting on hot molten rocks wearing a pair of women’s pantyhose.

The Jihadist has lost everything; his family, his friends, and his manhood that once rested comfortably and snug in the soft woven fabric of his men’s mesh underwear.

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