In an underwear universe far, far away, on a department store shelf, a pair of men’s mesh
underwear butts packages with a pair of silk briefs.

MIKE MESH
I’m warning you, Silk. Get back to the rear! This is my neighborhood. I know your type,
real smooth but thin skinned. You think you can muscle your way into my part of the
shelf. Well think again, Slick. I’m tougher than I look.

SID SILK
That’s Sid, you piece of nylon crap. You’re nothing but a cheap imitation of me. Oh, you
appear to be so sophisticated, Mr. All About Town, hiding beneath slacks of off the rack
designer business suits. You may be able to put one over on the blind following the blind
budget conscious dudes, but you can’t fool a Metrosexual Christoff chugger like me.

MIKE MESH
(Leans in threateningly)
At least I know who I am, Slick. I’m smart, sexy and durable. I can take a beating in the
wash, and afterward stay in shape so I can keep protecting the family jewels while still
looking great. But you, Mr. Thin Skinned…just a couple of tumbles and you fall apart
unless your momma washes you by hand.

SID SILK
Hey, now you’re hitting below the belt. Those are some low life despicable mesh-
mouthed words. For your information, I can handle the impact of a cold water wash. And
when I’m dry, I look just fine… ‘Because I’m well hung.

MIKE MESH
Still, you’re not in as great shape as me. I’ve got more character in just one stitch then
you’ve got in an entire pouch. I’m from a long line of mesh material, a great looking line
of boxers and briefs. We’ve got the right stuff and we’re tough. You think you’re better
than me, Mr. Thin Skinned, but you’re not. So, let’s make this brief, like your underwear,
before I kick your silk butt. Go back to your high shelf in the rear. Take your butt and get
out of here.

OTHER MESH PACKAGES
(Chanting)
Get out of here! Get out of here! Get out of here!

SID SILK
(Slipping toward the rear)
I can take a hint. But this thing isn’t over yet. I’ll be back!

All the mesh underwear packages cheer.

One for the Mesh Underwear Team! Get your own!

Somehow, this no fly contender made it through security with 80 grams of explosives sewn into his underwear, which can make the savviest Jihadist sweat. Regular cotton briefs don’t provide the same ventilation and support as men’s mesh underwear, which allows the skin to breathe through the specially designed Lycra and cotton weave mesh.

The Jihadist’s package fits snugly in the explosive-laden pouch, while staying dry and cool, even when the rest of him looks like he just finished a workout at the Camel Back desert gym, with waterboarding room and rack for stretching out kinks in the neck from walking hunched over in caves. Luckily, the flexible fabric in his men’s mesh underwear is perfect for those torturous workouts.

When the going gets tough in the seconds before he sets his underwear ablaze, the tough-minded Jihadist is ready to sacrifice his life, yet still reluctant to say goodbye to his men’s mesh underwear. Once the Jihadist arrives in hell on the Styxline Ferry, he will be greatly disappointed not to see 72 virgins hanging around the Barbie down under, where the only thing glowing is the hot coals under his feet.

Satan just shakes his head incredulously and says, “What a terrible waste of men’s mesh underwear,” and then condemns the Jihadist to an eternity of sitting on hot molten rocks wearing a pair of women’s pantyhose.

The Jihadist has lost everything; his family, his friends, and his manhood that once rested comfortably and snug in the soft woven fabric of his men’s mesh underwear.